I will be 44 years old on Saturday and I’ve basically been dealing with this since June 2015. Today, I am feeling very anxious at the prospect/probability of progression & the lack of hope for any kind of cure- as you all know, good days & bad!
I am to the point where I am really good on most days about focusing on the positive and just being happy that I am not in horrendous pain (yet) like many of you already are. I am right now thinking about living like this for another 44 years (maybe – who knows what plan God has for me)! I WANT to be here for my children! To listen, to teach, to learn, to experience, to just BE here with & for them! The reality of how I can spend that time with them has just changed so much, sometimes I just feel like I’m going to crumble.
I am extremely blessed to have a wonderful husband who takes care of me, daughters who (most of the time) are very helpful and parents who have always supported me endlessly. I am upset that I cannot take care of them & help them like I should be able to. I should be at the point of returning the favor to them & I am unable to.
Having an anxious day & reeling from the idea that there are no real options for making this much better. I was going to try & get the $ for stem cells, but the more I read, the more I realize I am more than likely to just be flushing money down the toilet.
My new pain management Dr. Wants to try a less invasive type of spinal cord stimulator & I am scared! I have prayed & prayed & thought about this so much! I honestly don’t know what to do! I’m afraid of making things worse. But, if at my age, I could make things better for a number of years, I want to do that!! I feel like this is the hardest decision of my life & there is no one to help me decide, it’s just overwhelming!
I made the horrible decision beginning in June 2015 to let them give me steroid injections and I am so afraid of making another bad decision that makes my circumstance/condition even worse than it already is. I don’t want to make things worse for me or my family!
Right now, my husband is so great, he does pretty much everything along with his full time+ job, so I am able to be relatively inactive (which I hate), but it keeps my pain low enough that I don’t have to take pain pills & am mentally present for him & my children. We both agreed that is what we want, if that is the best I can get.
Thanks for listening/reading!