I don’t WANT to be disabled!

So, in December, I did something I thought I would never have need to do!  I was embarrassed about it actually!  I went ahead and applied for disability.  My date of injury and the amount of points I earned while still working were just barely enough to meet my eligibility to even apply.  Not to say that I have not been working!  Being a Mom is hard work too, I quit a very well paying job because I had a difficult 5 year old that I needed to be more hands on with and whom my Mother could no longer handle, especially when it came to getting her to go to school.  I found out a week after I gave my 2 week notice that I was pregnant with my younger daughter, so I  told myself, this must be the right choice, it felt like a message from God to me!

Now, in the realm of this nightmare, sometimes I think I wish I had worked a year or two more.  Then I would have missed at least the 1st year of my second daughters life!  I had told myself that if I had another child, I would be the one to take of him or her and I would be there to see all of the little every day special moments.  I’m not sure giving that up would be worth while even to get approved for disability when my family & I need the support.  As you all know, things keep getting more expensive and especially the cost of health care, then the Deductibles and copays and prescription costs.  It never ends!

I should not complain, I know other people are in worse situations, it is just frustrating!  Of course, I was denied, which my husband says is the case for 70% of first time claims.  So, I went ahead and got a lawyer and I am  praying she can help me!  We need this second (small) income, we need help to pay for the insurance, copays and medications.  I am so angry because I am not faking and I know there are many people out there who abuse the system and are fine!  Well, I’m not fine!  I haven’t been fine for a long while!  I worked fo 20+ years and now I may not have the right points for the right date (according to social security).

I would give anything for this to have a fix!  I would much rather be able to live a life than to sit in a recliner or lay down all the time in exchange for not being disabled.  At this point I realize however worthless money & saving & plannin for the future can be!

We just never know what God has in store for us and it is sometimes a real struggle to understand how this could be his plan.  I’m still trying to figure it out, maybe I never will, until he can tell me.

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