When you are diagnosed with a chronic debilitating, life altering disease, everything changes! It has for me in any case. The way I think, the way I talk to people (sometimes this is good and sometimes not)!
Time is a very precious commodity! I must measure out what I do and think about what the repercussions will be, before I make a decision to do or not do things. And there are only certain people I am willing to use these teaspoons of time on or for!
My husband, my children and my parents are who I am able to make these measurements for. These are the people that have ALWAYS been there for me. I can’t say that about anyone else. These are the people I can be myself around, no matter “who” I may happen to be on that given day. Sad me, angry me, emotional or depressed me and thank God for now, mostly happy me. Grumpy me makes a showing pretty much every day and more than once, I haven’t found a way to control her yet.
I will give these people unlimited teaspoons of my time, until I know the penance will be so awful that they will lose me for days or weeks at a time. I don’t like missing them & them missing me and being “out” of myself for days or weeks at a time. There are just things I can’t do anymore, risks I can’t take anymore and people/activities/events that are not worth that teaspoon of time and what it takes out of me!
My teaspoon of time is much more valuable than someone living a “normal” life. My teaspoon is probably what might be a gallon to most folks.
I promised my kids I would spend a special day with each of them doing whatever they wanted (within my capabilities) during Spring break week. My oldest just wanted to see a movie, that was easy – we were able to get recliner seats, so basically it didn’t take anything out of me to do that. My little one wanted to go paint pottery and that was within reason, but cost me a lot of soreness and pain. However – these 2 (the ones that hold my heart together) are worth TABLESPOONS of time and pain.
Certain people that may have been in the fold, are now out for the most part! I have to save myself for my special ones – the ones who understand what that little teaspoon truly costs me in the long run. It hurts my heart and it hurts the hearts of some others that this is the case, but we only have this one short life and I plan to spend it with those who truly want, need and appreciate their time with me.
Sometimes, often times, those who once held a high level of influence and loyalty in your life have to be left behind. Most of these people left me behind years ago & I just had to learn to let go as well! Sometimes, we both just let go, as life goes on the way it will and things change. And that is ok, life moves on and people change, priorities and people and situations change… this cannot be changed!
Whether you have a chronic disease or illness or not, consider carefully who you spend your teaspoons with. Maybe you should be scooping heaping amounts out to some and maybe you should be backing that amount down to a quarter, an eighth… or maybe none at all for those who are no longer worthy.
Teaspoons of Time
Don’t waste a drop
Time keeps moving
Tick Tock Tick Tock
My penance is pain
I will try not to let it reign
But are you truly worth
The time I’ve left on this Earth