A wasted life

I’ve been thinking for the last week (or more) about the part of my life that I am feeling was wasted.  Before my body was broken, tired and had a tendency for pain.  I had almost 41 years and I am wishing I had done so much more.  Like the berries frozen in the photo above, I now feel like I am frozen in this body, trapped.  I can’t get out of what I am, I can’t do the things I want to do, even the most trivial/normal sort of things I used to do without a second thought are done with the knowledge that the payment will be pain later on.

My Mom’s Birthday was today!  My 7 year old LOVES to plan parties!  So, yesterday afternoon, we went to the party supply store and a department store to get her a gift.  I was sore this morning, I had pain in my leg down to my ankle as soon as I stood.  I can’t disappoint my child, not today,  it in this way – or my Mother.  I have to disappoint them in many ways because there are things I just can’t do, won’t do – because the price isn’t too high – for all of us!

So, this morning, we started out making a homemade cake.  It was a kind we had never done before, I usually buy the boxed kind.  But, she got a new cookbook for Christmas and really wants to try these recipes.  It took an hour to put it all together and just get it in the oven. Luckily, my husband was home today and could take the cake out of the oven because I had to take our other daughter to the Dr. As one side of her face look like a chipmunk with a jaw full of nuts!  Possible mumps… final diagnosis still pending….

Upon returning home, back to work in the kitchen to make homemade buttercream frosting.  Dad helped her with her party decorations, thank you God for a wonderful husband & father!!

So tonight, I sit here hurting, my back hurts, my neck hurts, I have pain traveling down my right leg, into my right ankle and even for the first time sneaking into the bottom of my foot.  This is new for me and scary, who knows how far this disease will progress and how fast.  The thought of being in more pain, losing control of my bowels/bladder or being paralyzed is just daunting.

But, in spite of it all, my life is still perfect even though painful!  I have 2 healthy, wonderful children and an amazing husband who takes excellent care of me.  I am also blessed to still have both of my parents around and they are a great help to me in many ways as well.













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