Ever since I can remember, I have been the one people came to talk to; my Mom, my Dad, my brother. I always enjoyed being able to be there for them, somehow comfort, give them advice and show them what I saw from my perspective! Always being more of a listener than a talker. You definitely learn more when you are listening than when you are talking. My husband talks to me a lot, which I appreciate fully, because I did not have that in my first marriage. My kids, of course…, chatter, chatter, chatter.
I find it difficult that I need to talk, not that I have a hard time saying what I need to say. I’ve never had much of a problem with that either! I have, however, learned that sometimes it is best to step back, be quiet & mull things over, let things sink in a bit, before I start talking. It just feels like they don’t want to hear me talk.
Maybe this is totally unfounded, maybe it is not. People never want to continually listen to someone’s problems or pains. I understand this, I’ve been on that side of the fence! Here comes that negative Nellie, whoa is me person. Day in & day out, there is another problem or complaint.
But I’m talking about my key people here! I lost my brothers ear years ago, we were best friends & there came a new person & suddenly everything changed – poof, and he was gone. But I guess I have never REALLY needed then to listen so much before. I have a singular focus now of learning and trying to do as much as possible to make my best possible life for not only myself, but for my kids & my husband.
I guess I want to talk about all this new found information, what I’m reading about, what I think the best plan of action is. And, I want them to really be interested & offer up their perspectives as well, but it just doesn’t seem to be happening that way. I already feel like they are tired of hearing me talk, like here she goes again.
I may be totally off base, I know they are struggling to accept this new diagnosis as well. Maybe it’s difficult for them to talk about, it is still for me too on some days. On other days, I’m on overdrive to learn and gather as much information as possible. Some days, I’m just plain angry!
Whatever this new reality brings, I know they are in it with me to the end. I know they will be here to support me with whatever I need, as they always have been! I am especially blessed with a family that loves me to no end. I will continue to listen and hopefully they will learn that sometimes, all I need, is an ear to bend too!